Saturday, May 06, 2006

Worst chat-up line

I heard the worst chat up line in the world tonight, a line of so cringe worthy that only one person liked it and bizarrely that was the girl it was aimed at. Though in her defense she was drunk at the time. The really, really, sad part was that it was me who was using the line.

I went out on the town with some friends that I used to work with. After a night of drinking in Bowes on Fleet Street we decided to head to Doyles next door for one last late pint. Personally I'd had enough to drink and while not drunk I was merry but sick of drinking pints.

As I stood in the queue I noticed a girl behind me talking to her male work colleague. She was pretty, blonde and in her early twenties. While discussing their work attendance the girl announced to me and her friend that she couldn't stay out late because she had an appointment to have her legs waxed in the morning and she didn't want to be hungover.

It was already clear that she had failed in that goal and her odds of making any appointment in the morning depended entirely on the bouncers turning her away. After her companion made some jokes about getting a Brazilian he then told the people around how hairy her legs were and he then announced that she also had hairy toes. She got worried and insisted on proving that she did not have hairy toes by showing off her foot. Being a chivalrous gentleman I took her foot and confirmed that she did not have hairy toes. Her friend, who obviously at this stage saw me as a threat to his chances of moving beyond work mates strangely decided that his best course of action would be to turn me off her.

Despite the fact that she was standing there and could hear him he announced that she actually had hairy soles to her feet. Again she got offended and insisted she didn't. Now I could see the line coming but I felt powerless to stop myself. I turned her foot over inspected the sole and confirmed it was hairless, that she actually had lovely feet and that in fact she had, are you ready for it... "the sole of an angel" (say it out loud)

Even I cringed, her friend looked like I had hit him with a 2x4 but she melted like butter getting all flustered and saying that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Granted she was drunk and her companion had not been setting a high standard in the chat up line stakes. I cant possibly defend the use of that line, except to say I may have had too much to drink and had been in a strange flirtatious mood all day.

Anyway at that stage of the night the night club bouncer intervened and let me into the bar in the next group but stopped her. I don't know if she made it in later on, I didn't see her, but to be honest I would have been too embarrassed to actually continue anything with her.

3 comments:

Daragh Mc Grath said...

LOL...Mr Slick!! ;-)

Timothy Takemoto said...

Very good. If any ladies show me their feet in a bar, I remember it, since I don't think it would otherwise come to me.

Any chance of recommending a not too expensive hotel in the Mont Clare Hotel region? Just in case.

Declan said...

You could always try going back to her place :-)